When we were kids, most of us assumed that by the time we reached adulthood, we’d have it all figured out.
We imagined we’d be the best version of ourselves, because when you’re an adult, everything is possible… right?
Of course, it’s only when you actually become an adult that you realize how untrue this is.
Sometimes, it takes a relatable post on the internet for you to realize what you’ve been putting yourself through now that you’re older.
Mary Katherine Backstrom, or MK to her friends, is an author from Alabama, and she knows a thing or two about the power of our negative thoughts.
She writes about parenthood, positivity, and good manners – and she’s refreshingly raw and relatable.
MK has a knack for succinctly voicing the thoughts that we didn’t even know we had. And in a recent viral Facebook post, she managed to do it again.
Most of us might say that we love ourselves, but when you read MK’s post, you’ll be less certain that you do.
The post begins:
“I met a girl at a party last weekend. Funniest girl I’ve ever met. So I tried to be hilarious, too.
And it made me feel tired.
I saw a mom at my son’s school yesterday. She packed her kids healthy lunches and they actually freaking ate them. So last night I tried to force-feed my kids carrots and meatloaf, and they cried.
That made me feel like a failure.”
We’ve all been there. Social comparison is pretty normal nowadays, especially with the emergence of social media.
Theodore Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy – and MK agrees.
She continues:
“There’s a girl I follow on Instagram. I’ve known her for years, and she’s lost over sixty pounds and jumps up and down in her bikini without feeling mortified. That’s basically a super power in my mind, because when I sit down in the shower, my stomach rolls all on top of itself, and I feel like the Michelin Tire Man. I want my curvy body to just disappear.
The mean things I say to myself make me feel disgusting.”
It doesn’t stop there, either. She has a friend who makes viral videos, and feels like her posts are “embarrassing and stupid” in comparison.
These are MK’s personal problems, but we can all relate in some way or another.
We all compare our lives to others, and it’s often about the silliest things, like the house we live in, the number of likes we get on Instagram, or the way our bodies look.
MK says that she goes to therapy a lot, and in her last therapy session, she brought up all of these thoughts. She writes:
“When I was done, he leaned forward and raised an eyebrow.
“You are such a kind person, MK. You seem to really love your friends and believe in what they do. You celebrate their joy.”
I puffed up a little. It’s nice when someone sees goodness in you.
But he continued, “So why are you so hateful to yourself?”
“Oh, hell,” I muttered before folding over in sobs.
He isn’t wrong. I’m my own bully. The things I say to myself are just awful.”
The big thing that MK wanted to understand was why she didn’t allow herself to feel joy. After a bit of probing, she realized something:
Joy is a scary feeling.
How many of us have felt that their times of happiness were “too good to be true” or ticking time bombs, counting down to a terrible moment?
According to MK, we talk down to ourselves because it’s terrifying to imagine our own joy.
But we can get better at loving ourselves. Being mindful of the problem is the first step.
As MK says:
“I left therapy this week and I did something amazing. I challenge you to do the same.
I made a new friend.
Her name is Mary Katherine, and she’s pretty freaking cool. She has a beautiful smile and an understated wit. Her jokes are awkward, but that is kind of endearing. She’s a precious person, if I must say so.
I’m learning to like her a little bit.
Maybe one day, she’ll feel loved.”
There are a few simple ways to follow in MK’s footsteps. First off, understand the negative effect of comparison. Then learn to see your own success. At the end of the day, think of one thing, big or small, that you’re proud of.
It’s also worth remembering the things that really matter in life: love, empathy, humility, selflessness, and generosity.
Self-acceptance won’t happen overnight, but you’ll get there in the end.
In the meantime, if MK’s Facebook post resonates with you, you’ll probably love her new book, Holy Hot Mess. You can pre-order it on Amazon now.
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