Becoming a mom is one of the most joyful, amazing experiences. Feeling your baby wriggling and kicking inside you, a true miracle, leaves you speechless and in awe.
But not every mom earns this beautiful title in the same way; however, the honor is still the same. Some moms choose adoption to form a family with amazing children. Some conceive a baby naturally and with ease. And some require medical assistance to bring a bouncing baby into the world.
Then, there’s Breanna Lockwood. At age 29, Breanna and her husband Aaron of Illinois had faced disappointment time after time after time.
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Her uterus simply couldn’t sustain a pregnancy. The couple desperately wanted a baby, but their battle with infertility had left them drained emotionally and financially.
Breanna, a dental hygienist, and Aaron began trying for a baby almost immediately after they wed in 2016 because her grandfather was terminally ill and she wanted him to meet his great-grandchild.
After trying unsuccessfully on their own for a year, Breanna saw a fertility specialist.
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The couple traveled down a two-year-long path that included surgeries, rounds of in-vitro fertilization and, sadly, numerous miscarriages.
Even though the embryos Breanna and Aaron produced were healthy, her body just couldn’t sustain a pregnancy.
“Struggling with infertility was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through. When you have a plan for your life and then something like infertility gets in the way, I felt like I couldn’t see what I pictured anymore, that it could be taken away from me.”
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After miscarrying with twins, Breanna and Aaron had to face the truth.
With no other feasible options, Breanna and Aaron were advised by her doctor to consider a surrogate or another route to parenthood because her body could not handle it.
It would be best to find a family member or friend to serve as a surrogate for them. Otherwise, going through a surrogacy agency could cost them more than $100,000 and that’s on top of what they’d already spent for infertility treatments.
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While mulling their options, a very unexpected person stepped forward and volunteered to serve as a surrogate. Breanna’s mom!
Julie Loving had watched the pain and suffering her daughter and son-in-law had endured trying for a baby. It was one way she felt she could help them.
“Once she had the miscarriage with the twins I started to talk to her about it. She was not on board and thought I was crazy, but I just kept pursuing it.”
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Asking her mom to be her surrogate had never crossed Breanna’s mind. After all, her mom was 51 and that is considered to be an advanced maternal age.
But Julie is an avid athlete and her pregnancies were easy peasy. She knew how much her daughter had been through and this was how she could help.
“I’ve run 19 marathons and done many triathlons. I felt like health-wise I could do it and I had really easy pregnancies with my two kids.”
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So at Breanna’s next appointment, Julie tagged along to broach the subject and see what everyone thought.
“My mom came with me as my support person and she brought up that she wanted to carry. When he met her I could tell that he was really starting to think about it as a possibility, but he didn’t tell us yes right away. There were a lot of hoops we had to jump through to make it possible.”
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Those “hoops” for Julie included going through numerous tests and being examined by half a dozen physicians to ensure she was fit and able to carry a baby to term.
Dr. Brian Kaplan just couldn’t tell Julie no.
“How can I look this woman in the eye and say, ‘You’re not healthy.’ You’re healthier than everybody here.”
Dr. Kaplan made it perfectly clear that Julie was an exception to the rule, that most 51-year-old women could not serve as a surrogate.
“I think it’s very important for me as a physician and for this field for people to know this is not routine and not everybody can use their mom. It has to be a unique situation.”
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Julie shared that people have often asked her why. Why did she offer to carry her own daughter’s baby.
“I wish I could express something other than simple words to describe how I feel. The love of a mother holding her sick or injured child in her arms, she would do anything to make them feel better or take away the pain. The love of a mother feels the pain of their children when she can see sadness in their eyes instead of happiness. In the past few years, I saw my daughter’s beautiful eyes begin to fill with despair and pain as her dreams of being a mother seemed to slowly slip away from her and I knew I could help if she wanted me to.”
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But Julie’s successful embryo transplant happened in February and she tested as pregnant a month later in March 2020.
“Even when we got the positive pregnancy test result we couldn’t jump for joy yet because we’d had so many losses and so much trauma. Just now, halfway through the pregnancy, we’re starting to get excited and shop and plan.”
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In June 2020, Breanna and Aaron were ready to shout from the rooftops that their baby girl has a due date of Nov. 21. But just to be safe, Breanna visits her mom every day and dotes on her because, after all, she’s truly giving her the gift of life.
To make sure the pregnancy proceeds smoothly, Julie took a leave of absence from her job during the coronavirus pandemic to help keep herself and the baby as safe as possible.
“We’re just doing what we can at this crazy time in the world. With doctor’s appointments, I have been able to attend every appointment, but sometimes I have to really beg to let me go. My husband hasn’t been allowed to so we video everything we can and fill him in on everything when we get back to the car.”
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Dr. Kaplan shared that this particular surrogacy experience has opened his eyes to the possibilities of pregnancy and the convictions of one family that this option would indeed work.
“After 29 years, I was taught a lesson. I was taught about family strength. You can see the intensity of their family and their unity and love. It’s really humbling as a physician.”
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Breanna and Aaron plan to tell their baby girl all about her wild ride to birth, how her grandma actually was the person who grew her but she came from her mommy and daddy.
Julie is working on a scrapbook for her granddaughter that details their journey together.
“I feel like my mom is the closest place to home she can be rather than my own body. My mom wants to be a grandma just as much as I want to be a mom so she’s doing everything she can.”
What an incredible path this mother-daughter duo has embarked upon! We wish this family the best and hope for an easy, wonderful birth of a much-loved baby girl.
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